Had an interesting time with the Canadian Blood Services people last night.
For those who are unfamiliar, the second you donate blood, your phone number will go on a calling list. Like a nagging mother, if you don’t come back and visit the blood drives soon enough, they’ll call you and nag you to come visit (“You never come see me anymore, and after all the transfusions I gave your uncle during his bowel surgery!”) I don’t really mind the calls - after all, I’m pretty keen on donating - but since I have traveled to Uganda, I’m ineligible to donate for a year (for fear that my blood is secretly harboring Malaria!!!1!)
Anyhow, around 11 oclock last night, I get a call from the CBS. This is after telling a public health nurse AND an administrator my story at the last clinic at Mac. Figuring I’d stand a better chance of shutting them up via the phone, I pick up. What follows is one of the most bizarre odysseys I’ve ever experienced on the phone:
Man (sounding like the “NYESSSSSS” guy from the Simpsons): HELOOOOO. CAN I PLEASE SPEAK TO (deep voice) MICHAEL HERMAN
Me (thinking it’s a machine): Um, yes, speaking.
Man: HELLO MICHAEL. I’M ROBERT FROM CANADIAN BLOOD SERVICES. I WOULD JUST LIKE TO TELL YOU THIS CONVERSATION IS BEING RECORDED FOR QUALITY ASSURANCE PURPOSES. *Pause where I think I’m supposed to answer, but before I can get a word in-* IM CALLING TO TELL YOU ABOUT… (launches into shpeil about upcoming clinic at Mac) SO WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED?
Me: Well, yes, but-
Man: WELL OKAY THEN, WHEN SHOULD I SIGN YOU UP FOR
Me: Well, that’s just it. I’ve been in Uganda this past summer, so I’m ineligible to donate.
Man: OH. YES, THAT *cough* that IS A PROBLEM (note: this is the first time I’ve heard him stop midsentence or give me any indication he’s not a robot). LET ME TRANSFER YOU TO A NURSE.
(While the transfer is going through, two thoughts cross my mind. The first is on how weird that guy sounded. The second is why on Earth CBS would have a nurse on call at 11 in the evening on a Sunday, when NO clinic is open? No wonder they’re losing so much money)
Nurse: Hello, CBS, can I please have your donor card or your last name.
Nurse: And your date of birth?
Me: *gives DOB*
Nurse: Hm…do you have a twin brother?
Nurse: Well, that’s strange. We have two Michael Herman’s on file with the same birthday.
Me: Really?! Cool. Is he near me?
Nurse: (Ignoring my question) What’s your address
Me: *Gives Address* But seriously? There are two Michael Herman’s born on the same day in Canada?
Nurse: Ah, Mr. Herman, here is your info *proceeds with the rest of the conversation*
Nothing else remarkable happened during the conversation, but again I am left with two thoughts. There is a doppleganger of me running around Canada somewhere, with the same birthday as me. I must find this man. And secondly, why did the nurse think my twin would have the same name as me?